New title, probably same level of abandonment for the blog

I changed the title of this space to better reflect the reality that we have come a long way from where this family was in the summer of 2015, when I finally came to terms with the idea that I would be getting divorced. 

I wrote a post to the kids back in June of 2015 and reading it now, I see that some of it didn't work out the way that I hoped but most importantly, it worked out. More messy at times than I wanted, and more expensive, always. There was not as much working as a team as I envisoned, but the kids, Galaxy Girl, and I are now at the very back end of the seven and a half year period that started when I filed for divorce. There are only 6 weeks left before we age out of the Divorce Decree that, in one form or another, has framed much of our life since the Spring of 2015. 

Looking forward, it seems weird. And extremely exciting. 

Truthfully, because of  things that went down a couple of years ago, not that much will change. The oldest is off at college, 4 hours from home. He settled on his parent's alma mater. The youngest has lived with us full time for a couple of years and plans to stay here to attend Junior College, much like the Old Man's start into semi-adulthood.

Still, this is the last couple of months of needing to concern myself with responses from the other side of the table. From here on out, Galaxy Girl, the Kids, and I get to have the relationship we design and desire. In the last seven years, the four of us have all done the work to make sure that our relationships survive intact and that we are ready for this new, awesome stage to come. 

It’s been another few minutes

So, you were getting married to your best girl the other day, while finishing grad school and raising two high schoolers. Then, a couple of years went by without writing any of it down.

The highlights:

TheFamily is doing terrific.

MaxiMe graduates from high school in a few months. College is in the plan. WHERE is still to be decided. Dad is hoping for less than an hour away :)

The Artist now lives most of the time here, with Galaxy Girl and me. We changed the custody plan a while back and our extra time together is awesome. Still have a couple of years of high school before I need to start pushing nearby colleges on The Artist.

Galaxy Girl has grown into the role of stepMOM in a way that is astounding and at the same time, not very surprising. Caring for people is what we do around here. She was taking care of her tribe well before meeting any of us. We are just lucky that we get the lioness’ share of her efforts nowadays.

I finished grad school. I passed all of the certification tests. I’m licensed as a public school administrator but still working as a Special Education teacher until the right spot opens up in campus administration. Hoping that I’ll be working as a campus Assistant Principal in the next couple of years.

Until then, I’m preparing for a return to the campus where I did most of my years as a teacher. I’m currently teaching at a high school, but I’ll be back on a middle school campus soon. I didn’t completely realize how important my “home” campus was to me until I left there over the summer. An opportunity to return opened up, and I’ll be back there soon.

And now for the noteworthy lowlights:

Yeah, I got nothin’ worth mentioning.



Yep. I am a lucky Dad. Can confirm.

Big changes at school

I have worked with Special Education students in some way for over 30 years! That sounded really nuts the first time I said it out loud in a meeting this year.

I started showing an interest in my chosen field when I was IN middle school, and now I have spent almost 10 years teaching middle school special education. Even before entering the classroom as a teacher I was working with a similar group in a different setting.

After lots of soul searching and considering how to best move my career forward, I have made a monumental decision. I am leaving the special education classroom behind. At least for a while.

I have decided that I want to teach Social Studies or Language Arts classes on our 6th grade team next year. Because The Oldest and Youngest will both be at the High School next door, I have no interest in leaving my campus. I've been on staff here since 2010. Still, it is time for me to grow into a new role as a teacher.

Last week I was starting to change my mind. Even if my current job is crazy some days, there is comfort in knowing my role. Next year I'll be jumping into the classroom as a new teacher in a new subject. In a lot of ways, it will be like starting over.

I am looking forward to giving up a lot of the detailed paperwork that my current job requires. I won't be fooled into thinking there will be none in my new position, but it will be different paperwork.

3 weeks and counting

Galaxy Girl and I are getting married in less than 3 weeks!

It's sort of wedding crazy around here. There is lots left to do in a short time, but this time is a lot different than twenty 23 years ago.

There is lots of busyness, but there is very little stress. There is a lot of cash going out, but its been very thoughtful and purposeful spending. The lady is getting hitched in a dress she bought online. I'm wearing my best suit.

Later this month we will be spending a chunk of change on a great party. That's where we choose to spend our efforts and cash. We are getting married in a party space at a local restaurant.  All of the food and drinks will be top notch, and because everything will be done for us, we get to spend our time with friends and family. 

Cheers to a good time and a happy marriage!

Fire! Fire! FIRE!

I've worked all summer, reinventing our backyard space.

About 15 years ago I started building a simple swing set. After years working in public parks and recreation, I knew just enough about playground design to waaay overbuild a backyard swing set. I wasn't satisfied with the swing hangars available at the local hardware warehouse store, so I ordered commercial swing hangars. They were sturdy. Ridiculously so. But 15 years swung by and they never wobbled or wore out.

The overbuilt swing set morphed into an overbuilt playscape. Each Father's Day, Christmas Day, Birthday, the kids, with a little help from their mom, I suspect, would give me accessories and material to add to the 'scape. Ours was a well used backyard playspace!

Continuing on with the overbuilding of the play space in the back yard, I added a pea gravel-filled fall zone around the swing set and climbing structures. I added a LOT of pea gravel. To paraphrase U2, 'Maybe, maybe too much pea gravel' It really was a lot of pea gravel. Literal tons.

Anyways, 15 years later.

The swings sat unused for 6 months. The climbing tower and slides were starting to lean to a worrisome degree. The space underneath, built out as The Princess' playhouse, was taken over by our flock of backyard hens as a favorite hangout spot on sunny days. It was obvious that it was time for the playscape to be retired when I found a crack in the main pressure treated support beam. A couple of hours with a reciprocating saw and the playscape was in pieces, stacked beside the house. Yes, I was crying while cutting it up. There were a lot of good memories in that wood pile.

I started moving the pea gravel out of the fall zone several months ago. Ten shovels full to a wheelbarrow full. A million wheelbarrows full to an empty playscape fall zone. This week I finally finished that lowly task. Now there is a giant bare patch of earth just waiting for topsoil and turf to be put in place this fall. Yeah, more wheelbarrow work and stooping!

I decided that the replacement for the childhood play space would be an outdoor area where teens might be enticed to hang out. As it turns out, my kids will fall for s'mores. Burned up marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate all smooshed together near a backyard fire pit. Last week Miss GG, the kids, and I lit the the fire pit for the first s'mores roast. The kids hung out long enough to eat. It ruled! I was a happy dad.

A couple of nights ago the Princess and I sat out by the fire pit for more than an hour; the s'mores were long gone. I heard her talk about everything and nothing. She told me about school and her friends and stuff. I sat. I listened. I loved every second of it.

I cannot be happier with the re-imagining of our backyard space. This fire pit is going to get a workout this fall!

Here we are, once more again. Redux Part IIi

So I've been thinking about blogging again.I have almost 1900 posts, going back close to 15 years over at https://athomedaddy.blogspot.com/.

Since I quit writing over there, I've dealt with a seemingly unending divorce process, I've fought to regain 50% custody of The Talker and The Princess, I've remodeled our house (partially. I have only worked on it for about 18 months :) , and I've  continued dating Miss GG. Actually, Miss GG and I have been engaged for a few months now.

The kids are still amazing and interesting and happy. It takes a lot of work, but that is one of the things that is most worth the effort in my world. After a year of a cluttered custody schedule that required several color coded spreadsheets and calendars to ALMOST keep straight, we were able to move to a much more kid-friendly 2 week rotation (one week at each house) a little more than a year ago. The new schedule is still working much better for everyone.

We are staring down a new school year! That is always a busy time around here. More so for the kids, since I am a teacher, they are busy with their own school and extracurricular activities, and their mom is a school employee, too. With all of that, The Talker and The Princess really do get a full Back to School experience every year.

School starts in 10 days. Summer 2018 starts in 185 school days. Who's counting? We are!!!

It's been a long time

I haven't felt the need to write or post in a long while. Earlier this month I made several attempts at putting up a blog post here but it just didn't happen thanks to lots of busyness and a full schedule of work and kids.

Somehow, in all of the chaos and clutter of the last year, Miss GG has hung in there with me. It has been a year of learning and growing. Dating at 46 years old is not easy. Not that I was very good at it at 23 years old. This time around though I have a lot better credit cards and we seem to frequent much better restaurants.

Our first date was spontaneous and fun and exciting and it scared the hell out of me. I had been out on a few first dates and a couple of second dates (and one really miserable third date) before I met up with Miss GG. That night, in the process of getting to know something about each other, I stumbled and stammered through the dad/teacher/newly single stuff. At some point, though I really, REALLY planned not to, the conversation rolled around to the ex.  After I spent way too much time trying to explain away my then contentious relationship with the mother of my children, I knew I had blown it. Nobody wants to listen some nervous man-child stammer on about his recent past busted relationship.

As I sheepishly apologized for monopolizing the conversation AND my poor choice of topic, Miss GG said something. I wish I had taken out a notepad and written it down, especially since that couldn't have possibly made the date any more awkward at that point. Essentially she said 'These relationships have made us the people we are'. It was simple and profound. I still feel like I have caught lightning in a Dr Pepper bottle. Miss GG is good to me and good for me. I'm sure trying to do the same for her.

Still, it IS hard to grow into a new relationship after so many years in one. Like a bonehead, I treated Valentine's Day like the non-event it was with the ex. She disliked the day with probably too much energy. Turns out that Miss GG feels NOT AT ALL the same way. That, my friends, is a good thing to know and you can bet I've already got a better system of reminding myself of that fact for next year.

Miss GG, it's been a heck of a fun year. Thanks for choosing to spend it with me.

Surprising myself quickly

This year is supposed to be amazing. That's my plan and it's a very good plan.

And like the old joke, you can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning, I'm trying to get an early start on a great year. I'm a 45 year old dude. Dad of two. Recently and quickly divorced. Still trying to figure out what the hell just happened and simultaneously looking forward to an amazing future.

I assumed early on that would be a 1/2 solo future for a long time.  The kids are with me half time, so I don't really expect anything a lot different at those times. But the other half. Six months ago that scared the shit out of me. I wasn't sure I could do alone.

A few months ago, when the kids were at their mom's house, I reflected and realized that I had a great life a year ago, had gone through some crap, and was looking right into a great future, even the solo time that I was learning how to use. It was an awesome moment that didn't last very long. I felt guilty for seeing something positive in the time without kids. I funked back up pretty quickly after that.

In November I tried to go on a date. She is a friend. It was a flop. My destiny was secured, I was set to be a bachelor once more. It was a cool future. A subscription to GQ may have been purchased. New cologne and clothes were bought. Shoes. Ridiculous shoes! I was going to look good as a solo dude. But it didn't stick. In December I tried dating again. Dating sucks.

In January I tried again (sucked) but I missed Valentine's Day and saved some bank. Dating is stupid anyways.

A few days later I was on another, very spontaneous first date. A follow up and lots more dates have followed. Dating is awesome!

I don't know the future. I don't know where this leads in a few months or a year. But I've decided that I don't want to be the next contestant on The Bachelor. After lots of long, deep discussions and hours of think time, I know this about myself - I like having people around me to care about. I also like having someone to laugh with and to make inappropriate jokes, usually at my expense. It suits me.

There is a lot to figure out. When to introduce kids, when to expose her to the family at-large. How to navigate the crap that drug down past relationships without making the same mistakes. This is really important stuff and not to be taken lightly. Evidently quickly may be acceptable.

I'm ok. I'm good alone. But right now I'm better with her. And I like that a lot.

Picture this

I am thinking about trying a 52 week photo challenge, or even a 365 day, photo-a-day challenge to document the upcoming year. It will be interesting to look back in 2017 on how the children and I have grown and changed after a full year of this new life.

My parents have already let me have my Christmas gift, a new camera, an Olympus OMD E-M10. I was able to buy it locally with a 14-42 Olympus M.Zukio Digital 14-42mm (f 3.5-5.6II R) lens. I don't know what most of that means.

Here are a couple of my first shots.

The camera has an on board picture story mode. Our first Christmas tree in the new life.

The view from our backyard this morning, The moon is barely visible. 

My tri-color lanatas are starting to fade for the winter.

I have a ton to learn about this new camera and I'm excited to have some really good pictures of the kids.

Thankful

I have a lot of reasons to be thankful.

The two biggest, and my favorite reasons for everything in my entire universe, Kid 1 and Kid 2. The Oldest and The Youngest. The Boy, The Girl. Whatever they are called, I am thankful every day that these two call me dad.

I have a wonderful life. I never would have imagined this life a year ago. And especially not two years ago. My first real clue that my marriage was on the rocks came about unexpectedly on Thanksgiving  night, 2013. It has taken me most of those two years to remember the many things that SHOULD make me grateful. Every. Single. Day.

I come from an amazing family. Siblings, parents, and all the extended family, these are good people who really rally when the chips are down. The past seven months have revealed this frequently. Every nasty surprise, every emotional roller ride, and every unexpected cash infusion. Lawyers can burn through some cash! My people have stuck by me. That is a lot of reasons to be thankful.

Maybe surprisingly, I am thankful for the past twenty years. It didn't end the way I expected, but the mother of my children and I were a good pair for a very long time. And we made amazing kids.

Add to that, I have an amazing job working with students I really like and a staff of coworkers who I love like family, and I am in the greatest teaching situation I could ever imagine. My coworkers have been through the daily wringer with me and they stood by me through the entire process. I am lucky to get to spend 8 10 hours a day with this crew.

This is not the life I planned for. This is not the life I wanted or expected. But THIS is the life I am grateful to enjoy with my family and friends. Without the craziness of the last 7 months, I might not have realized how many things lead me to be thankful.