New title, probably same level of abandonment for the blog

I changed the title of this space to better reflect the reality that we have come a long way from where this family was in the summer of 2015, when I finally came to terms with the idea that I would be getting divorced. 

I wrote a post to the kids back in June of 2015 and reading it now, I see that some of it didn't work out the way that I hoped but most importantly, it worked out. More messy at times than I wanted, and more expensive, always. There was not as much working as a team as I envisoned, but the kids, Galaxy Girl, and I are now at the very back end of the seven and a half year period that started when I filed for divorce. There are only 6 weeks left before we age out of the Divorce Decree that, in one form or another, has framed much of our life since the Spring of 2015. 

Looking forward, it seems weird. And extremely exciting. 

Truthfully, because of  things that went down a couple of years ago, not that much will change. The oldest is off at college, 4 hours from home. He settled on his parent's alma mater. The youngest has lived with us full time for a couple of years and plans to stay here to attend Junior College, much like the Old Man's start into semi-adulthood.

Still, this is the last couple of months of needing to concern myself with responses from the other side of the table. From here on out, Galaxy Girl, the Kids, and I get to have the relationship we design and desire. In the last seven years, the four of us have all done the work to make sure that our relationships survive intact and that we are ready for this new, awesome stage to come. 

It’s been another few minutes

So, you were getting married to your best girl the other day, while finishing grad school and raising two high schoolers. Then, a couple of years went by without writing any of it down.

The highlights:

TheFamily is doing terrific.

MaxiMe graduates from high school in a few months. College is in the plan. WHERE is still to be decided. Dad is hoping for less than an hour away :)

The Artist now lives most of the time here, with Galaxy Girl and me. We changed the custody plan a while back and our extra time together is awesome. Still have a couple of years of high school before I need to start pushing nearby colleges on The Artist.

Galaxy Girl has grown into the role of stepMOM in a way that is astounding and at the same time, not very surprising. Caring for people is what we do around here. She was taking care of her tribe well before meeting any of us. We are just lucky that we get the lioness’ share of her efforts nowadays.

I finished grad school. I passed all of the certification tests. I’m licensed as a public school administrator but still working as a Special Education teacher until the right spot opens up in campus administration. Hoping that I’ll be working as a campus Assistant Principal in the next couple of years.

Until then, I’m preparing for a return to the campus where I did most of my years as a teacher. I’m currently teaching at a high school, but I’ll be back on a middle school campus soon. I didn’t completely realize how important my “home” campus was to me until I left there over the summer. An opportunity to return opened up, and I’ll be back there soon.

And now for the noteworthy lowlights:

Yeah, I got nothin’ worth mentioning.



Yep. I am a lucky Dad. Can confirm.

There just is no other way to put it

I'm pissed.


Yes. I know I said at the outset of this neglected blog that everything is wide open and that will help keep me accountable any time I feel the desire to rant about my situation, or more specifically, about my ex wife. But it is time to get on a good rant. I imagine she has forgotten about this space. If not, then, OK.

Today there was a simple situation involving our youngest. She needed a ride home from school mid-day because she was feeling lousy. She had not slept well last night. It's allergy season. Whatchagunnado?

If you don't know, I work at the school where the youngest goes. Our school is right next to her big brother's school. The ex lives about a mile away from the schools, but she works about 45 minutes away. It has not been uncommon since we separated that I run the kids to her house. Permission slips left at mom's house? Forgotten lunch? Missing uniform pieces? Gotcha covered.

It gets a little more complex when the kid is sick and it the week their mom has custody. Then, I try to bring their mom up to speed and we generally make a decision about the kid staying at school or leaving early. This happens a few times a year. In similar situations I have always dropped the kid off at her house, made sure they are comfortable, and then gone back to school. I can make that round trip in 15 minutes or less. 

Today was different. I don't know if she was busy at work or whatever. That can be one of the upsides of  a finalized divorce. I don't want to/need to/have to know what happens in the daily happenings of her life. Regardless, the conversation went sideways as quickly as it started. I heard way more than  enough nastiness and venom in a few minutes.

Eventually, it was decided that The Girl needed to go home. At that point, I was still planning to do a favor and drop The Girl off.

The ex knows me well, including the best way to get under my skin. When it comes to our children,  my biggest pet peeve is when she continually refers to the kids as a singular responsibility. "My kids. My daughter. My son." It doesn't bother me when she is speaking to anyone else. But when she says those things to me, I am pretty sure there is nothing she could say that would be more demeaning to the amazing 8 year run we shared when I was a Stay at Home Dad or to the awesome relationship I continue to have with these wonderful teenagers.

I don't reciprocate. These are not "my kids" when I am speaking to their mother.

So, for the first time ever, after enough garbage being verbally hurled at me, I decided that she would have to deal with this situation like any other single parent. 'Yes, I am 15 feet from the kid. Yes, you are 45 minutes away. Yes, I did change my mind because I am really tired of your nastiness.You'll have to come get her."

The end result, the kid still got to her mom's house two hours early. I feel like apologizing a hundred times to The Girl for not dropping her off. I never want either kid to feel stuck in the middle. For the most part I have done a good job of mitigating that. Today, maybe not.

On the other hand, today I stood up for something right. I sent an inconvenient message that I am tired of the nastiness.

Fire! Fire! FIRE!

I've worked all summer, reinventing our backyard space.

About 15 years ago I started building a simple swing set. After years working in public parks and recreation, I knew just enough about playground design to waaay overbuild a backyard swing set. I wasn't satisfied with the swing hangars available at the local hardware warehouse store, so I ordered commercial swing hangars. They were sturdy. Ridiculously so. But 15 years swung by and they never wobbled or wore out.

The overbuilt swing set morphed into an overbuilt playscape. Each Father's Day, Christmas Day, Birthday, the kids, with a little help from their mom, I suspect, would give me accessories and material to add to the 'scape. Ours was a well used backyard playspace!

Continuing on with the overbuilding of the play space in the back yard, I added a pea gravel-filled fall zone around the swing set and climbing structures. I added a LOT of pea gravel. To paraphrase U2, 'Maybe, maybe too much pea gravel' It really was a lot of pea gravel. Literal tons.

Anyways, 15 years later.

The swings sat unused for 6 months. The climbing tower and slides were starting to lean to a worrisome degree. The space underneath, built out as The Princess' playhouse, was taken over by our flock of backyard hens as a favorite hangout spot on sunny days. It was obvious that it was time for the playscape to be retired when I found a crack in the main pressure treated support beam. A couple of hours with a reciprocating saw and the playscape was in pieces, stacked beside the house. Yes, I was crying while cutting it up. There were a lot of good memories in that wood pile.

I started moving the pea gravel out of the fall zone several months ago. Ten shovels full to a wheelbarrow full. A million wheelbarrows full to an empty playscape fall zone. This week I finally finished that lowly task. Now there is a giant bare patch of earth just waiting for topsoil and turf to be put in place this fall. Yeah, more wheelbarrow work and stooping!

I decided that the replacement for the childhood play space would be an outdoor area where teens might be enticed to hang out. As it turns out, my kids will fall for s'mores. Burned up marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate all smooshed together near a backyard fire pit. Last week Miss GG, the kids, and I lit the the fire pit for the first s'mores roast. The kids hung out long enough to eat. It ruled! I was a happy dad.

A couple of nights ago the Princess and I sat out by the fire pit for more than an hour; the s'mores were long gone. I heard her talk about everything and nothing. She told me about school and her friends and stuff. I sat. I listened. I loved every second of it.

I cannot be happier with the re-imagining of our backyard space. This fire pit is going to get a workout this fall!

Here we are, once more again. Redux Part IIi

So I've been thinking about blogging again.I have almost 1900 posts, going back close to 15 years over at https://athomedaddy.blogspot.com/.

Since I quit writing over there, I've dealt with a seemingly unending divorce process, I've fought to regain 50% custody of The Talker and The Princess, I've remodeled our house (partially. I have only worked on it for about 18 months :) , and I've  continued dating Miss GG. Actually, Miss GG and I have been engaged for a few months now.

The kids are still amazing and interesting and happy. It takes a lot of work, but that is one of the things that is most worth the effort in my world. After a year of a cluttered custody schedule that required several color coded spreadsheets and calendars to ALMOST keep straight, we were able to move to a much more kid-friendly 2 week rotation (one week at each house) a little more than a year ago. The new schedule is still working much better for everyone.

We are staring down a new school year! That is always a busy time around here. More so for the kids, since I am a teacher, they are busy with their own school and extracurricular activities, and their mom is a school employee, too. With all of that, The Talker and The Princess really do get a full Back to School experience every year.

School starts in 10 days. Summer 2018 starts in 185 school days. Who's counting? We are!!!

It's been a long time

I haven't felt the need to write or post in a long while. Earlier this month I made several attempts at putting up a blog post here but it just didn't happen thanks to lots of busyness and a full schedule of work and kids.

Somehow, in all of the chaos and clutter of the last year, Miss GG has hung in there with me. It has been a year of learning and growing. Dating at 46 years old is not easy. Not that I was very good at it at 23 years old. This time around though I have a lot better credit cards and we seem to frequent much better restaurants.

Our first date was spontaneous and fun and exciting and it scared the hell out of me. I had been out on a few first dates and a couple of second dates (and one really miserable third date) before I met up with Miss GG. That night, in the process of getting to know something about each other, I stumbled and stammered through the dad/teacher/newly single stuff. At some point, though I really, REALLY planned not to, the conversation rolled around to the ex.  After I spent way too much time trying to explain away my then contentious relationship with the mother of my children, I knew I had blown it. Nobody wants to listen some nervous man-child stammer on about his recent past busted relationship.

As I sheepishly apologized for monopolizing the conversation AND my poor choice of topic, Miss GG said something. I wish I had taken out a notepad and written it down, especially since that couldn't have possibly made the date any more awkward at that point. Essentially she said 'These relationships have made us the people we are'. It was simple and profound. I still feel like I have caught lightning in a Dr Pepper bottle. Miss GG is good to me and good for me. I'm sure trying to do the same for her.

Still, it IS hard to grow into a new relationship after so many years in one. Like a bonehead, I treated Valentine's Day like the non-event it was with the ex. She disliked the day with probably too much energy. Turns out that Miss GG feels NOT AT ALL the same way. That, my friends, is a good thing to know and you can bet I've already got a better system of reminding myself of that fact for next year.

Miss GG, it's been a heck of a fun year. Thanks for choosing to spend it with me.