Fire! Fire! FIRE!

I've worked all summer, reinventing our backyard space.

About 15 years ago I started building a simple swing set. After years working in public parks and recreation, I knew just enough about playground design to waaay overbuild a backyard swing set. I wasn't satisfied with the swing hangars available at the local hardware warehouse store, so I ordered commercial swing hangars. They were sturdy. Ridiculously so. But 15 years swung by and they never wobbled or wore out.

The overbuilt swing set morphed into an overbuilt playscape. Each Father's Day, Christmas Day, Birthday, the kids, with a little help from their mom, I suspect, would give me accessories and material to add to the 'scape. Ours was a well used backyard playspace!

Continuing on with the overbuilding of the play space in the back yard, I added a pea gravel-filled fall zone around the swing set and climbing structures. I added a LOT of pea gravel. To paraphrase U2, 'Maybe, maybe too much pea gravel' It really was a lot of pea gravel. Literal tons.

Anyways, 15 years later.

The swings sat unused for 6 months. The climbing tower and slides were starting to lean to a worrisome degree. The space underneath, built out as The Princess' playhouse, was taken over by our flock of backyard hens as a favorite hangout spot on sunny days. It was obvious that it was time for the playscape to be retired when I found a crack in the main pressure treated support beam. A couple of hours with a reciprocating saw and the playscape was in pieces, stacked beside the house. Yes, I was crying while cutting it up. There were a lot of good memories in that wood pile.

I started moving the pea gravel out of the fall zone several months ago. Ten shovels full to a wheelbarrow full. A million wheelbarrows full to an empty playscape fall zone. This week I finally finished that lowly task. Now there is a giant bare patch of earth just waiting for topsoil and turf to be put in place this fall. Yeah, more wheelbarrow work and stooping!

I decided that the replacement for the childhood play space would be an outdoor area where teens might be enticed to hang out. As it turns out, my kids will fall for s'mores. Burned up marshmallows, graham crackers, and chocolate all smooshed together near a backyard fire pit. Last week Miss GG, the kids, and I lit the the fire pit for the first s'mores roast. The kids hung out long enough to eat. It ruled! I was a happy dad.

A couple of nights ago the Princess and I sat out by the fire pit for more than an hour; the s'mores were long gone. I heard her talk about everything and nothing. She told me about school and her friends and stuff. I sat. I listened. I loved every second of it.

I cannot be happier with the re-imagining of our backyard space. This fire pit is going to get a workout this fall!

Here we are, once more again. Redux Part IIi

So I've been thinking about blogging again.I have almost 1900 posts, going back close to 15 years over at https://athomedaddy.blogspot.com/.

Since I quit writing over there, I've dealt with a seemingly unending divorce process, I've fought to regain 50% custody of The Talker and The Princess, I've remodeled our house (partially. I have only worked on it for about 18 months :) , and I've  continued dating Miss GG. Actually, Miss GG and I have been engaged for a few months now.

The kids are still amazing and interesting and happy. It takes a lot of work, but that is one of the things that is most worth the effort in my world. After a year of a cluttered custody schedule that required several color coded spreadsheets and calendars to ALMOST keep straight, we were able to move to a much more kid-friendly 2 week rotation (one week at each house) a little more than a year ago. The new schedule is still working much better for everyone.

We are staring down a new school year! That is always a busy time around here. More so for the kids, since I am a teacher, they are busy with their own school and extracurricular activities, and their mom is a school employee, too. With all of that, The Talker and The Princess really do get a full Back to School experience every year.

School starts in 10 days. Summer 2018 starts in 185 school days. Who's counting? We are!!!

It's been a long time

I haven't felt the need to write or post in a long while. Earlier this month I made several attempts at putting up a blog post here but it just didn't happen thanks to lots of busyness and a full schedule of work and kids.

Somehow, in all of the chaos and clutter of the last year, Miss GG has hung in there with me. It has been a year of learning and growing. Dating at 46 years old is not easy. Not that I was very good at it at 23 years old. This time around though I have a lot better credit cards and we seem to frequent much better restaurants.

Our first date was spontaneous and fun and exciting and it scared the hell out of me. I had been out on a few first dates and a couple of second dates (and one really miserable third date) before I met up with Miss GG. That night, in the process of getting to know something about each other, I stumbled and stammered through the dad/teacher/newly single stuff. At some point, though I really, REALLY planned not to, the conversation rolled around to the ex.  After I spent way too much time trying to explain away my then contentious relationship with the mother of my children, I knew I had blown it. Nobody wants to listen some nervous man-child stammer on about his recent past busted relationship.

As I sheepishly apologized for monopolizing the conversation AND my poor choice of topic, Miss GG said something. I wish I had taken out a notepad and written it down, especially since that couldn't have possibly made the date any more awkward at that point. Essentially she said 'These relationships have made us the people we are'. It was simple and profound. I still feel like I have caught lightning in a Dr Pepper bottle. Miss GG is good to me and good for me. I'm sure trying to do the same for her.

Still, it IS hard to grow into a new relationship after so many years in one. Like a bonehead, I treated Valentine's Day like the non-event it was with the ex. She disliked the day with probably too much energy. Turns out that Miss GG feels NOT AT ALL the same way. That, my friends, is a good thing to know and you can bet I've already got a better system of reminding myself of that fact for next year.

Miss GG, it's been a heck of a fun year. Thanks for choosing to spend it with me.

Tired

I've been fighting for a year and I'm tired of it. It has not been an easy year.

Some days I swear I am ready to just stop fighting and let the chips fall where they may. Other days, I feel like I must stand my ground or else the needs of my kids will get lost in the chaos of post divorce.

Recently I had to watch my kids leave an event with an acquaintance because it is their mom's night to have custody and she was working late. Instead of asking me to run the kids to her house afterwards, she asked a parent of friends of our kids. Maybe she had a good reason, maybe not.

I want to be able to withstand a slight like this without giving it a second though, but I'm not there yet. This time it tied me up in knots and I wanted to fight the meanness of this choice. Unfortunately I don't even know how to respond beyond reminding their mother that I am almost always available to help out the kids as I  emailed my disgust.  Doesn't seem to change anything, but maybe it will someday.

The kids are doing well, despite the background noise. The school year is winding down and we are all three exhausted. The time together this summer will be awesome and fun. It will be fun and happy.

I'm almost three months into a new relationship. It is comfortable, honest, generous, and NOT exhausting. That makes me happy.

Last week I decided to get back on the bike. My main bike has 5000 miles on it since 2012, so I decided to upgrade. A new road rocket is now parked in my living room. It makes me happy and tired.

Sometimes Normal is Really Odd

One of the hardest parts of getting divorced has been trying to get to agreement about how the kids time should be divided up. It's really import to get right because our kids are still young. We had to find something that worked for the next 7 years. Add to that the hard fact that I was trying to agree about important stuff with someone in whom I wasn't seeing any common ground anymore.

In the end we have a custody schedule that is highly customized for our situation. I end up with 50% of the kids time, but I get large chunks of time in the summer to make up for the little less than half I have the kids for overnights during the school year. Of course, I still see the kids every school day, since I teach at their school.

We are just finishing up a week of Spring Break from school. The kids will have been with me for 11 of 12 days when they return to school on Monday. This Dad is worn out! I'm ready for school to start back so that I can get some rest.

I have several friends who do the single parent job without shared custody. On parent duty 100% of the time. Kudos to them! They make it look easy and efficient. After 12 days I'll be ready for a couple of days off Dad duty and that feels really odd.

An update, the girlfriend and I have made a leap. It's the 2016 version of two high schoolers wearing swapped class rings. The relationship is now available as a status update on Facebook. Having that information out in public has been a little exciting and a lot surreal. It's all great, but it is one more huge experience that I never thought I would have.

Lots of great stuff, still loads of odd. Always interesting.

Surprising myself quickly

This year is supposed to be amazing. That's my plan and it's a very good plan.

And like the old joke, you can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning, I'm trying to get an early start on a great year. I'm a 45 year old dude. Dad of two. Recently and quickly divorced. Still trying to figure out what the hell just happened and simultaneously looking forward to an amazing future.

I assumed early on that would be a 1/2 solo future for a long time.  The kids are with me half time, so I don't really expect anything a lot different at those times. But the other half. Six months ago that scared the shit out of me. I wasn't sure I could do alone.

A few months ago, when the kids were at their mom's house, I reflected and realized that I had a great life a year ago, had gone through some crap, and was looking right into a great future, even the solo time that I was learning how to use. It was an awesome moment that didn't last very long. I felt guilty for seeing something positive in the time without kids. I funked back up pretty quickly after that.

In November I tried to go on a date. She is a friend. It was a flop. My destiny was secured, I was set to be a bachelor once more. It was a cool future. A subscription to GQ may have been purchased. New cologne and clothes were bought. Shoes. Ridiculous shoes! I was going to look good as a solo dude. But it didn't stick. In December I tried dating again. Dating sucks.

In January I tried again (sucked) but I missed Valentine's Day and saved some bank. Dating is stupid anyways.

A few days later I was on another, very spontaneous first date. A follow up and lots more dates have followed. Dating is awesome!

I don't know the future. I don't know where this leads in a few months or a year. But I've decided that I don't want to be the next contestant on The Bachelor. After lots of long, deep discussions and hours of think time, I know this about myself - I like having people around me to care about. I also like having someone to laugh with and to make inappropriate jokes, usually at my expense. It suits me.

There is a lot to figure out. When to introduce kids, when to expose her to the family at-large. How to navigate the crap that drug down past relationships without making the same mistakes. This is really important stuff and not to be taken lightly. Evidently quickly may be acceptable.

I'm ok. I'm good alone. But right now I'm better with her. And I like that a lot.

Surreal moment #gawdonlyknows of #toodangmany

That little black car in traffic? I spotted it in front of me while driving home from work. Inside of that car, my kids riding with their mom somewhere. 

Dinner? Errands? Who knows. 

Weird.