One of the hardest parts of getting divorced has been trying to get to agreement about how the kids time should be divided up. It's really import to get right because our kids are still young. We had to find something that worked for the next 7 years. Add to that the hard fact that I was trying to agree about important stuff with someone in whom I wasn't seeing any common ground anymore.
In the end we have a custody schedule that is highly customized for our situation. I end up with 50% of the kids time, but I get large chunks of time in the summer to make up for the little less than half I have the kids for overnights during the school year. Of course, I still see the kids every school day, since I teach at their school.
We are just finishing up a week of Spring Break from school. The kids will have been with me for 11 of 12 days when they return to school on Monday. This Dad is worn out! I'm ready for school to start back so that I can get some rest.
I have several friends who do the single parent job without shared custody. On parent duty 100% of the time. Kudos to them! They make it look easy and efficient. After 12 days I'll be ready for a couple of days off Dad duty and that feels really odd.
An update, the girlfriend and I have made a leap. It's the 2016 version of two high schoolers wearing swapped class rings. The relationship is now available as a status update on Facebook. Having that information out in public has been a little exciting and a lot surreal. It's all great, but it is one more huge experience that I never thought I would have.
Lots of great stuff, still loads of odd. Always interesting.
Saturday, March 19, 2016
Thursday, March 10, 2016
Surprising myself quickly
This year is supposed to be amazing. That's my plan and it's a very good plan.
And like the old joke, you can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning, I'm trying to get an early start on a great year. I'm a 45 year old dude. Dad of two. Recently and quickly divorced. Still trying to figure out what the hell just happened and simultaneously looking forward to an amazing future.
I assumed early on that would be a 1/2 solo future for a long time. The kids are with me half time, so I don't really expect anything a lot different at those times. But the other half. Six months ago that scared the shit out of me. I wasn't sure I could do alone.
A few months ago, when the kids were at their mom's house, I reflected and realized that I had a great life a year ago, had gone through some crap, and was looking right into a great future, even the solo time that I was learning how to use. It was an awesome moment that didn't last very long. I felt guilty for seeing something positive in the time without kids. I funked back up pretty quickly after that.
In November I tried to go on a date. She is a friend. It was a flop. My destiny was secured, I was set to be a bachelor once more. It was a cool future. A subscription to GQ may have been purchased. New cologne and clothes were bought. Shoes. Ridiculous shoes! I was going to look good as a solo dude. But it didn't stick. In December I tried dating again. Dating sucks.
In January I tried again (sucked) but I missed Valentine's Day and saved some bank. Dating is stupid anyways.
A few days later I was on another, very spontaneous first date. A follow up and lots more dates have followed. Dating is awesome!
I don't know the future. I don't know where this leads in a few months or a year. But I've decided that I don't want to be the next contestant on The Bachelor. After lots of long, deep discussions and hours of think time, I know this about myself - I like having people around me to care about. I also like having someone to laugh with and to make inappropriate jokes, usually at my expense. It suits me.
There is a lot to figure out. When to introduce kids, when to expose her to the family at-large. How to navigate the crap that drug down past relationships without making the same mistakes. This is really important stuff and not to be taken lightly. Evidently quickly may be acceptable.
I'm ok. I'm good alone. But right now I'm better with her. And I like that a lot.
And like the old joke, you can't drink all day if you don't start in the morning, I'm trying to get an early start on a great year. I'm a 45 year old dude. Dad of two. Recently and quickly divorced. Still trying to figure out what the hell just happened and simultaneously looking forward to an amazing future.
I assumed early on that would be a 1/2 solo future for a long time. The kids are with me half time, so I don't really expect anything a lot different at those times. But the other half. Six months ago that scared the shit out of me. I wasn't sure I could do alone.
A few months ago, when the kids were at their mom's house, I reflected and realized that I had a great life a year ago, had gone through some crap, and was looking right into a great future, even the solo time that I was learning how to use. It was an awesome moment that didn't last very long. I felt guilty for seeing something positive in the time without kids. I funked back up pretty quickly after that.
In November I tried to go on a date. She is a friend. It was a flop. My destiny was secured, I was set to be a bachelor once more. It was a cool future. A subscription to GQ may have been purchased. New cologne and clothes were bought. Shoes. Ridiculous shoes! I was going to look good as a solo dude. But it didn't stick. In December I tried dating again. Dating sucks.
In January I tried again (sucked) but I missed Valentine's Day and saved some bank. Dating is stupid anyways.
A few days later I was on another, very spontaneous first date. A follow up and lots more dates have followed. Dating is awesome!
I don't know the future. I don't know where this leads in a few months or a year. But I've decided that I don't want to be the next contestant on The Bachelor. After lots of long, deep discussions and hours of think time, I know this about myself - I like having people around me to care about. I also like having someone to laugh with and to make inappropriate jokes, usually at my expense. It suits me.
There is a lot to figure out. When to introduce kids, when to expose her to the family at-large. How to navigate the crap that drug down past relationships without making the same mistakes. This is really important stuff and not to be taken lightly. Evidently quickly may be acceptable.
I'm ok. I'm good alone. But right now I'm better with her. And I like that a lot.
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